“Will that be a life giving impulse?” Sunday – 22:31
It’s been a rough month for me and while I have some half-written stories on my dashboard and some remaining interviews to make, I’m not feeling inspired enough to finish them. I just don’t feel like pushing out some more green entrepreneurship inspiring articles this period. In fact, I have been struggling to write this post for days.
Five years ago, and after getting my high school degree, I started to think that I would be happier living abroad or settling down somewhere else. Now, though, I can only really imagine myself living overseas. This is something that I’ve shared with very few people but lately, I’ve been struggling with serious depression. At first, I thought it was seasonal because it was most prevalent when I’m not traveling. But as the time went by, it became harder and harder for me to go back home after each trip.
Travel awakens my soul, but vacations never give me enough time to fully experience a new land or a different culture. However, I strongly believe that long term or expat travel would be the key to fixing that and I think it would give me the “reset” that I need in my life right now.
As I’m making my decision to leave the country, my life felt like one big to-do list (I’m a sucker for those), I asked myself a simple question that flipped my world upside down in an instant. But let me tell you something, when you’re deeply uncertain about life, this is the question to ask.
What’s the worst that could happen if you let go of needing to know all the answers?
I have been having that strange compulsion to figure everything out and to turn unpredictability into certainty, since forever. I always wanted the answers to come to me like a flash of lightning. This was the way I imagined life worked; that I couldn’t be happy until I had every detail of my life squared away. That my To-do-lists ( again!) would save me from that stress. I was impatient to know what my “calling” was and who my soulmate was and where to find happiness and when life would finally make sense.
I wanted to know who the heck I was! But why this strange compulsion to know, to be certain? What would happen if I just stopped needing to know all the answers?
I asked myself this question and the only answer I could think of was this: the worst that could happen is that I won’t have it all figured out, I only have to keep going farther off 🙂