In the past, I used to put chemistry and attraction above anything else, and while I still think they’re important, I realized they’re just not enough. Knowing that someone likes you is not enough if they don’t match your efforts or at least show that they’re willing to do a little bit more when it comes to you.
Nowadays, everyone seems to be attracted to one another but no one actually wants to make an effort. Attraction is there, but what’s not is the effort, and it is lacking in all aspects; starting from simply texting to actually planning to spend time together. Something is always missing, something is always not right and it always feels harder than it should be.
Effort means consistency, it means trying, it means communicating even when you’re busy, it means spending time together even if you’re scared, it means giving someone a chance.
Effort is how you go from liking someone to loving them, it’s how you go from talking to someone to actually knowing them and it’s how you go from wanting to spend time with someone to wanting to share a life with them.
I know that the level of effort matches the level of interest someone actually has in you. Maybe it’s true but it doesn’t mean that there’s no interest at all, it just means this interest is not developing because there’s no communication and there’s no depth.
Because if you take your effort out of the equation and you realize that you were the only one making it then it’s hard to keep going, it’s hard to keep moving forward when someone doesn’t want to meet you halfway. It’s hard to keep investing when you’re not getting anything in return.
So next time, I won’t only look for attraction or chemistry, I’ll look for effort. I’ll look for someone who makes time for me, someone who is not afraid of asking questions, someone who is not waiting for the perfect time or the perfect moment to ask me out. I’ll look for someone who actually tries, someone who puts in enough effort that it makes me want to do more.
Because I realized that reassurance is what I really need. To feel appreciated, that I won’t get turned down or rejected and that any effort I make is reciprocated.